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13 August 2010 @ 11:15 pm
Imam Shah!
I know that you're Casanova, Emy Casanova but please...........................................
Furthermore, you said this girl is way out of your league, so what makes you think you little "smooth" ways will attract her and not impress her?

Please ah boy, stop it before I be way to honest with you.

*the only reason why I am blogging about it is cause he can't read this. oh wait, he cannnnnnn..  but it'll be a whole round before he comes here.
24 May 2010 @ 01:52 am
Do we ask too much sometimes?
Do we ask for things that we can't have?
Why can't we always get what we ask for?
Why is it so hard?

I never felt a decision can affect me this bad.
I thought I can.
'Cause I wouldn't mind being up there or down here.
If I was needed down here, I would not reject.
'Cause I wouldn't mind.
But, little did I know that I actually did mind.
I didn't know that I would feel this way.
I feel that I have been brought to new different zone altogether.
I am not saying that I was brought out of my comfort zone, but I guess being up there made me feel myself.

Honestly, I have issues with people.
I am someone who doesn't approach people.
I am someone who can't relate to people.
But, this industry have thought me well enough.
Being thrown (this is a lie, I chose...) to the front line, made me into someone else.
I dunno whether being this someone else was a good change or bad.
I started relating to people more, even though sometimes (or most of the times) it is purely fake.
I guess this relation made me a more confident person.
There certain things that I experience being up there, that might totally changed my perspective in life.

I am not saying that I love it entirely being up there, but there are really just times when you're plain HAPPY to be doing what you are doing.
There are times when it just sucks to be up there, because of the people you meet everyday.
All the random strangers from literally any country, to the people you work with everyday.
Your own team-mates.
There are the good ones, that you can just laugh your ass off or the ones that you give smirks and raise your voice a little whenever you're just plain irritated.
To tell you the truth, I felt superior most of the times.
I love being there, I love being on top of someone but I also know that there is someone higher up to guard me.

I've learnt so much being up there.
Ok, I love my job up there.
I love being a senior to my juniors.
I love the part that I have certain level of power that I can enforce anytime.
I love the part where I can share my knowledge with my little ones.
I love the part where I get good trainees and be biased towards them.

I've been officially promoted but I don't feel happy.
I miss being up there so bad that I can tear just thinking of it.
I miss the laughter and random bitching with whoever I was working with.

I guess I have something against office work.
I moved down because I guess this would be good for my future.
Prepare myself for the future, when I settle down.
That I can have more time with my husband (anyone who wants to marry me, and want a garden wedding too).
Okay, you guys might be thinking, WTF! You're only 21. Why are you thinking so far?
I guess, I just have to.
I wish I could plan out my life for the next 5 years.
5 years, chun-chun with no hiccups.

I don't have a high-paying job.
Sometimes, I am lying again. ALL THE TIME, I wish I had a better paying job.
To sustain my love for all things pretty, and my fetish for food.
To sustain my wants of freedom.
But, I guess with a better paying job come a higher amount of responsibility.
I want to be selfish, but it is not easy.

I don't mean to brag, but I guess I've never been stingy with my money.
If someone out there needs help in the finance department, if I am able to, I would help.
This is my first job.
Seriously, my FIRST job.
I never worked part-time after O levels or whatever.
I never earned my own money.
My CPF account only turns 1 year old this July, whereas there are so many people around me would have CPF account that is at least a full year.

It's been two years since dad passed away.
It's been that fast but it has been that long.
Most of the time, it feels like yesterday.
The pain, the loss.
My dad, he is just plain great.
I had the best dad anyone could ask for.
He is perfect in every sense.
No words can describe him.
He is just awesome.
I was his little girl, I am still his little girl.
I feel that it is not fair that he didn't get to see me finish school.
Get to see me go through my internship.
Get to see me secure my first job.
Get to see me graduate, yes he didn't get to see me graduate.

He used to be the sole breadwinner.
We didn't need to work, he got it all covered.
Now, I know how hard it is to earn my own money and pay the bills.
Ok, who am I kidding.
The only bills I pay in the household is really mum's and my phone bills.
The real man of the house now is my brother.
He used to say that there are certain bills that we should share the cost, like for example the cable TV and the internet and sorts and I would say yes.
Months after months, I just simply forget to give my share and he would just take the bills on his own.
And he wouldn't ask or bug me for it.
He is just being big brother and doing big brother's responsibilities.
I love this guy, just that I don't show it.
I know he loves me, 'cause he bought wayfarers for us to share.
That is beside the point.
He is doing a great job being the man of the family.

The other day mum was saying it's hard to keep up nowadays 'cause she gets only about $800 from me & my brother when she used to get $1.5k from dad.
I'm sorry, mum.
Certain days I just feel plain useless.

The point of all these is that, I am not liking my office job.
I miss my shifts.
I miss having the time to go for a Brazilian, an armpit wax and eyebrow threading all in one day at 3 different places.
I miss the peace and serenity of the night shift with nothing to do.
OK, I miss being SGSA now that I am an RO.
I moved down because I thought I can survive and that I have more time for boyfriend.

Life has been topsy-turvy.
It has just been weird.
Sometimes I feel whether I am entitled to think of this.
I sometimes feel my boyfriend will be happier without me.
Nobody to take up his time.
Today, while strolling he told me he used to hang out with his buddies a lot.
That after he graduated from BMT (I think) and that he has found me (in actual fact I was right in front of him), that he stopped hanging out with them.
That they gave up asking him out 'cause he is most of the time out with me.

I am afraid that he might leave again, because of what I do.
I am sorry for being afraid.
I think I am no longer afraid of him.
But, ultimately afraid of him leaving (again).

Work is tiring.
I remember falling asleep beside boyfriend yesterday =.
My body was on major shut down, but my mind was awake.
My eyes was asleep, my mind knew I was asleep.
My mind was working while I was asleep.
I was sleeping, but I was awake.
I was anyway, counting how many times my boyfriend jerked in his sleep.
At his best, it is 5 times which is inclusive of the hat-trick of right leg, left leg & both legs consecutively.

I think my whole point of this entry is to just express how I feel.
That is what a blog is about right anyway?
Oh, I miss typing away here, honestly.
I also miss reading a book.
And I realise that as of October, boyfried and I will be 2 years.
For my past relationships, by the time it hit 1year++, it will go kapooot.

Let me end this first entry in a very long time with snippets of this entry dated August 22nd, 2008 ;

Azahar makes a very good random conversationalist, whatever that means.
He just called to tell me that Sleeq is on television and we just continued rambling randoms for the next 9 minutes.
The other night he called, 'cause he was bored at camp and talked about flags.
And this is the best joke I ever got from him ;

Question : Why are vessels, ships, boats etc referred to as a SHE?
Answer  : 'Cause their below are always wet.
21 February 2010 @ 08:06 pm
Met Sharifah for so long.
Experienced Yazid's nonsensical nonsense after so long.
Met Elin and Mus, they made me feel adult.
16 February 2010 @ 02:59 am
All I'm scared is that you won't come back.
I miss you Azahar.

I miss you so much. ):
Current Music: Jordin Sparks - Battlefield
31 December 2009 @ 09:00 pm
I have so much to say, but I don't have the words for it.
I think that's the reason why I haven;t been blogging.
23 December 2009 @ 04:03 am

It's been a long time since I was here. All I actually wanna say is ... JUST OPEN THE FREAKING BOTTLE ANOTHER DAY WHEN I AM AROUND YOU ANNOYING BRAT! Cause...

  1. More reasons to meet your friends for drinks.
  2. I foresee you complaining of being short on cash. (I'll break your neck if you complain that during my birthday)
  3. At least I get to taste your hard earned money by sitting around waiting for tasks to be given to you.
  5. Do not procrastinate on your license.
Tapikan gasak kau la kan. I am only saying this 'cause I care. Save a little more for March. If every month we are gonna end up spending all our pay within 2weeks, we are gonna die if it carries on if it comes to marriage. Then again, why the fuck are we talking about marriage?
05 December 2009 @ 01:06 am
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
28 November 2009 @ 01:17 am
You know it's weird that when I ask that we talk a little longer and you complained you wanna go sleep.
But, you're fine watching videos after videos after videos till the wee hours.